Perspective

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"  Matthew 6:25

It's been a while since I sat down and really poured my heart out in a Mission Athens blog.  I have posted a few updates about our activities this year, but I haven't sat down and really let it all out in a while.  It's not that God hasn't been moving through Mission Athens--He has.  It isn't that amazing things aren't happening in this ministry--they are.  It really has everything to do with me and my own struggles this year.

It's funny how faith works.  In the past few years, I have felt like my faith has grown exponentially through all that I have studied and learned and discovered.  Much of that discovery has come through Mission Athens and the joy we feel when we devote our lives to service.  But like a river that can one moment be smooth and calm and serene, around the next bend, that same river can turn into the most treacherous rapids and become terrifying--that's a little like life and our faith at times, isn't it?

I didn't really realize how much I had missed blogging about Mission Athens until a few weeks ago when I sat down for lunch with one of our amazing Mission Athens missionaries, and she told me a Dollar Club story that at the same time broke my heart and filled me with joy.  Here's the story.

As you know, the Dollar Club is one of the outreach ministries of Mission Athens and Central Church of Christ.  Each week, members at Central donate one dollar each that we pool together into a gift we use to bless a family in need.  We have told you stories of bus tickets, clothes and shoes for kids, utility bills paid, cars repaired, housing secured.  Each week, we pray for the families we are helping, and we pray most of all that God will use whatever this temporary storm that is happening in their lives to bring them closer to Him.  Sometimes we get to witness the power of God in these families' lives, but most of the time, we just provide assistance, and these people move on.

Well, there are those rare occasions where the opportunity to help coincides with an opportunity to witness something truly amazing.  At lunch the other day, my Mission Athens hero friend Beth told me one of these stories.

You see, last year, the Dollar Club had the opportunity to help a mother and daughter who were living in their car.  As sad as this next sentence sounds, it is painfully true.  We help people who live in their cars all the time.  Unlike some of the desperate souls we meet, this mother was trying so hard to make the right choices.  She was working.  She and her teenage daughter had gone to several agencies around town seeking help only to be turned away.  She was trying to save her money.  But, for a lot of complicated reasons, she was now living in her car.

We were blessed to help this family move into government housing.  We helped pay deposits, secure furniture, and get them started on the road to their new life.  This great family is doing so well this year.  They are trying to help others in the way we helped them.  It is truly an inspirational success story, and one that motivates us to keep on going.

A few weeks ago, this mom called Beth "just to check in."  She said, "I just want you to know we are doing great.  We couldn't have done it without Mission Athens."  Beth was happy to hear this and was encouraging this mom.  The mom interrupted her. 

"I don't think you understand what I am saying.  NOBODY CARED ABOUT ME AND MY DAUGHTER EXCEPT YOU."

Beth said as she got off the phone, that she just bowed her head at her desk and prayed.  She said, "I am just a stranger."

Sometimes, we just feel so small and insignificant when we are faced with this humbling truth--we are all just strangers.  Strangers who are trying our best to share God's love in a broken, cold and scary world.

Back to my weird, challenging year.  2013 started off with a blow--my daughter and I spent New Year's Eve in the bed with the flu.  I have never been so sick in my entire life.  We were both in the bed for a week.  I am not one of these people who gets sick and lies in bed for a week, but I literally could not stand up without feeling like I was going to faint.  Unfortunately, it was a sign of rough waters ahead.

A few weeks into January, I got the news that my company that I love was going to be going through a painful reorganization.  We were told in January to expect sweeping changes, and that we would learn more about our fate in April.  What a long, strange three months passed on the road to April. 

I can be quite obnoxious at times, and I have rather obnoxiously declared to my fellow sisters in Christ that worry is a sin women love to commit.  We worry about our husbands, we worry about our children, we worry about what we will wear, we worry about what we all think about each other, and we worry about everything under the sun.  We women are wonderful worriers.  Again, rather obnoxiously, I have often boasted that my faith in God is so strong, that I have overcome my need to worry.  On more than one occasion, I have said, "I just give it all to God in my prayers, and then I roll over and fall asleep."  HAHA

God has taught me this year that I don't need to think so highly of myself.  In the months between January and April, I worried myself to death.  I worried in the morning, I worried in the middle of the day, and I did a whole lot of worrying at night.  I worried about the people who work for me.  I worried about their kids. I worried about my boss, his wife and their kids.  I worried about my friends and coworkers.  I worried my family might have to move.  I worried that my husband was worried about me.  I worried about my mother and my grandmother worrying about me.  I worried that I might lose my job.  I worried that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills.  I worried that people would know that I was worrying.  I worried my friends would feel awkward around me because I was worrying so much.  I worried that my kids were worrying about mom's job.  I worried, and I worried, and I worried.

I practiced saying sentences like, "I am declaring my faith!  I know that God will see me through this!"  I said sentences like that out loud when I was riding in my car.  I would scream, "I lift my eyes unto the hills!  Where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord!"

After I was done screaming, I would worry some more.  I worried I would get sick and that we wouldn't have health insurance.  I worried my marriage would buckle under the strain of it all.  I worried about my husband's job security.  Turns out I was right to worry about that, because the week before I was set to go to the meeting in April to find out my fate at work, my husband, a government employee, was told he would be furloughed throughout the summer.

Now, with both of our jobs seemingly in jeopardy, I got really good a worrying.  I started worrying about missing house payments, losing our security.  I started reading Matthew 6 every morning and every night.  I tried to say my worries out loud in prayer form so that it wasn't really worrying as much as it was casting my cares upon the Lord.

God sustained me through this time of worry.  I really did feel His peace throughout this very stressful time.  One night, I sat with my husband and read Matthew 6 out loud.  We talked about how very far away we are from living in our car.

"What if I lose my job?"  "You will find another one."
"What if I can't?" "Our parents will help us."
"What if we can't pay our mortgage?"  "We can live in smaller house."
"What if we can't buy groceries?"  "Our friends and church family will feed us."
"What if we get sick and don't have health insurance?" "We will still get health care.  People will take care of us."

You see, when we broke it down like that, we realized God's ABUNDANCE is all around us.  We are so far from living in our car, not because we are wealthy or because we are well educated.  We are so far from living in our car because GOD HAS BLESSED US WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

When you have family and friends, nothing can happen to you that you can't handle.  Our family and friends will be there for us.  They will help us through ANY circumstance.  Turns out my biggest problem wasn't whether or not my husband or I would have a job.  My biggest problem was ME.

I am addicted to self-reliance.  I am addicted to solving problems.  It's what I do for a living.  People call me with a problem--I can solve it.  I can make a phone call, do some research, ask for help, go to the mattresses, fight for what is right, and I can get it done.  Sick kid?  No problem--I can find the best doctor.  Nothing in the pantry for supper?  No worries--we can have a picnic in the car.  I can send a text, make a call, write a check, ask somebody, call somebody, and just plain get it done.  I am a doer and proud of it.  I wake up in the morning and make things happen.  I love it, I live it, and sometimes God just yells:

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!

LOOK AT ME!!!!

I AM ALL YOU NEED!

Ironically, I have often told people that I thought it was so amazing that at two different churches, 12 years apart, my husband and I both came to the cross and walked down the aisle to the baptistry to the same "invitation song."  That song was...."I SURRENDER ALL."

Perhaps God is trying to tell the Swints something.

It is very easy for me to give God the glory for all the good times and blessings in my life.  I praise Him, I am in awe of Him, and I am humbled by His goodness.  But my struggle is letting go and letting God with the really big things in my life. 

You see, even though I made that all too important realization that God has blessed me with family and friends, I don't know if I really could graciously accept their help should my family ever truly need it.  I am no good at surrendering all.

God has taught me a whole lot of lessons this year, and I am still trying to work through them all.  It's funny, I don't know if I will every fully develop into the Godly woman that I so desperately want to be.  I yearn to feel the power of that sweet surrender.  I pray that God will help me overcome my self-reliance so that I can feel His grace wash over me.  I am thankful for His instruction, and I know that He is faithful to His children.

Happily, I am still employed.  My job changed in every possible way.  We didn't have to move, but my travel did increase.  I am now working in a completely new field, and I have had to work very hard to learn SO MUCH NEW STUFF.  Thankfully, my husband is still employed.  He did get furloughed, but we survived.  We are both praying that we won't have to use words like "sequester, furlough, reallocation, reorganization, or downsizing" in 2014.  But, if we do, I know that God will see us through.

What does this whole long story have to do with Mission Athens, you may be asking yourself?  I have often said that Mission Athens is not just about helping people living in poverty.  Mission Athens is helping ME, and all of us who are blessed to work in this ministry.  I know that God is using Mission Athens to change my life and the lives of all of us who work for Him in our community.

Just when I think I have a lot of problems, I will forever remember the story about the mom and daughter living in their car.  I will think about how far away I am from that situation.  And I will bow my head and hit my knees in gratitude for the God who has blessed me so richly.  I will pray for wisdom so that I might be able to share in words how eternally grateful I am to Him and that my light my shine so brightly to bring others to Him.  But, most of all, I will just pray that He will use my feeble hands and feet to help some weary traveler make it a little further down the road.

We all may just be strangers.  But we are strangers who have been saved by a mighty God, despite our flaws, despite our sin, He loves us and has chosen us to be His peculiar people.  What an incredible blessing and awesome responsibility!

If it has been a while since you have helped out with a Mission Athens project, there are so many ways you can jump right back in this time of year.  We need volunteers at The Haven.  We are kicking off our food drive for LCCI.  In a few weeks, we will be preparing our Christmas food boxes.  There are plenty of strangers out there we can bless--won't you join us?